At the Core of Him
by Totally-Out-Of-It
Summary: A person's core can tell you a lot about them and their intentions. Matchers help people find marriages with those whose cores are a match for their own. Wei Wuxian believed his core matched Lan Wangji's and dreamed of a life together. Then the Wen Clan destroyed Jiang Cheng's core and Wei Wuxian gave up his core for him – and everything fell apart.


**At the Core of Him**

_A person's core can tell you a lot about them and their intentions. Matchers help people find marriages with those whose cores are a match for their own. Wei Wuxian believed his core matched Lan Wangji's and dreamed of a life together. Then the Wen Clan destroyed Jiang Cheng's core and Wei Wuxian gave up his core for him – and everything fell apart._

For the 2/22/20 prompt of "His golden core is/has WHAT?!" from my Cheng Qing Ling and MDZS discord group. This doesn't quite fit it, but it's close enough.

…

…

Matchers were terrifying. They had the ability to see every person's core – cultivated or not – and could determine how happy or unfortunate a marriage would be based on the appearance of their cores. But that wasn't all. Matchers were sought out to give advice on political alliances, on bonds of brotherhood before taking vows, on how strong a person would be as a cultivator. Some Matchers even claimed they could strengthen a weak core or alter its very nature with the right materials and for the right price.

Wei Wuxian was terrified of matchers. He had also never envied anyone more.

The ability to _see_ cores! How thrilling! How wonderful they must look! How beautiful!

When the Jiang clan took him in as a child, Madam Yu was fiercely against it. At least until Jiang Fengmian brought in a matcher. The old woman took one look at Wei Wuxian and covered her eyes.

"His core is so bright!" she cried out. "And this color! A white-blue streaked with red! He will be a cultivator unlike any other. Your clan did well in adopting him as your own. He will be very successful in all that he does, and the Jiang Clan name will be known throughout the world."

And she was right. Wei Wuxian excelled at archery, hand to hand combat, swordsmanship, and cultivation. He was faster than the other disciples, stronger than them. He could sometimes even sense where there was trouble – a person in need, a monster to defeat, a missing item to find.

As he grew, Wei Wuxian seemed, in every way, to embody the Jiang Clan motto of 'Attempt the Impossible.' Not only did he attempt it, he usually succeeded.

Except in the kitchen, which he was forbidden from entering while in Yunmeng.

Growing up in Lotus Pier, Wei Wuxian saw matchers approve marriages or vehemently disapprove of them – always citing the shape and color and strength of a person's core as the reason. Jiang Fengmian often called for matchers to be present during meetings with the heads of other clans, both smaller and larger than his own, and then listened to those matchers' counsel before making decisions.

Once, Wei Wuxian asked a matcher, "What kind of person is my soulmate?"

The matcher scoffed. "I'm not a fortune teller, boy," he said, but examined Wei Wuxian's core anyway. "With a core like yours? Your soulmate has to have a core just as bright. Anything dimmer and the relationship will be doomed to collapse in on itself."

…

…

Wei Wuxian couldn't see cores like a matcher could, but even he could tell that Lan Wangji had an unimaginably bright one.

He didn't get that impression at first though. The reputation of the Twin Jades of Lan was of two very strong cultivators who were perfect examples of what a Good Disciple should be. They followed the rules, studied hard, meditated often, and practiced their sword skills daily. They were respectful to their elders and always put the needs of others before themselves.

In other words, they were boring.

After meeting Lan Wangji, Wei Wuxian was certain that his core was strong and golden, but stagnant and not overly bright. It had to be stifled – possibly almost invisible – by the Lan clan's three thousand rules.

Jiang Cheng drunkenly agreed with this assertion, while Nie Huaisang told him he was an idiot.

"Second Young Master Lan shines like a star," he said in a dreamy philosophical tone, before drooping sideways into Jiang Cheng's personal space.

People were always funnier when they were drunk, in Wei Wuxian's opinion.

That included Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian wished he could paint Lan Wangji when he was drunk. All his hard edges softened, his grace more human, his speech and gaze less like the jade of his title and more like the delicious wine they were drinking. A Lan Wangji who responded to Wei Wuxian's conversation and could make him laugh. Imperfect and adorable.

And of course the drinking led to meeting Lan Wangji in the Cold Pond, where they were pulled into the Cold Pond Cave and met Lan Yi, Lan Wangji's ancestor. She stared at them both in wonder.

"Rarely have I seen cores such as yours," she told them. "Perhaps it is true that you can succeed where I failed." Then she tasked them with finding and destroying the Yin Iron. As she began to fade away, she smiled and said, "For what it's worth, as a head of the Lan clan, you have my blessing."

It would be a long time before Wei Wuxian thought back on those words and wondered if perhaps she had been talking about their cores, and the headband wrapped securely around both their wrists, and not about their mission.

…

…

It was during the time they spent traveling together that Wei Wuxian began to imagine Lan Wangji's core as something bright and warm. How could he not?

Lan Wangji had always been beautiful in an unapproachable way, but that trip brought them closer. They faced a fairy goddess together, and hordes of possessed people, and a mass murderer! And all that time, Lan Wangji stood by his side. They fought side by side, supporting and strengthening each other.

And Wei Wuxian learned how to read Lan Wangji's expressions. The twitch of lips that meant he was amused. The tightening of his jaw signally irritation. The sharp gaze of anger. A minute furrow of his brow when he was confused. Once Wei Wuxian understood these clues, he marveled that he had ever thought Lan Wangji was expressionless.

Sitting on a roof in the Unclean Realm, warm wine in his belly, Lan Wangji sleeping in the room below, Wei Wuxian began to entertain the idea that maybe his core and Lan Wangji's were a match. They were soulmates.

Even as he fell asleep, the idea made him smile.

…

…

While 'studying' under Wen Chao in Nightless City, Wei Wuxian doubted his connection with Lan Wangji.

It wasn't that he didn't still feel that connection. Every time they were in the same space together, his core felt like it was reaching out for Lan Wangji's. His manic energy settled in Lan Wangji's presence. He wanted to do everything he could to help Lan Wangji, to protect him, to make him happy.

But Lan Wangji didn't respond to anything he did. He didn't even _look_ at Wei Wuxian for most of their time in Wen territory, let alone speak to him except to make Wei Wuxian go away. It was just Wei Wuxian acting up, talking back, and making a fool of Wen Chao to try and impress him – with little result.

Of course, all his brave talk and actions eventually led to him and Lan Wangji trapped in the Xuanwu Cave of Dusk Creek Mountain. There was no room for regret though. Everyone else had gotten out and to safety. That was enough.

Still, sitting with Lan Wangji in that cave, Wei Wuxian doubted. Lan Wangji hadn't been so distant with him since the day they met. Even when they met that first night and fought over Emperor's Smile and curfew, Lan Wangji had at least argued with him and reacted to his taunts. Since they met again in Nightless City, Lan Wangji had only brushed him off.

Maybe the connection was one sided? Maybe their cores didn't match. Maybe Lan Wangji was destined for someone else – someone calmer and more like Lan Wangji himself.

"Whatever girl's core matches yours is really lucky, Lan Zhan."

Lan Wangji gave him another of those looks – the same look he gave Wei Wuxian when asked if he liked Mianmian.

"What? It's a compliment!" Wei Wuxian insisted, throwing another stick on the fire.

Shaking his head, Lan Wangji looked away. He was quiet so long that Wei Wuxian thought he'd begun to meditate again, to stave off hunger and help his leg heal faster. Then, without even opening his eyes, he said, "Wei Ying's match will be lucky too."

Wei Wuxian gaped at him. Such a compliment was unheard of from the great Hanguang-Jun! And after all his silence, it felt like Lan Wangji was offering his hand in friendship again. Beaming, Wei Wuxian nudged his shoulder into Lan Wangji's, earning him a mildly irritated but not angry look.

"You think I'm amazing, huh? Ah, such kind words from Lan Zhan! I might swoon!" He giggled.

The irritation bled from Lan Wangji's expression, replaced with something more contemplative, and perhaps a tinge sad. After a few moments of staring, Lan Wangji silently returned to his meditation. That was okay though. Wei Wuxian knew the truth. Lan Wangji considered them close. They understood each other.

They were definitely core matched soulmates. They would escape the cave and do amazing things together.

Later, as Lan Wangji hummed a song for him and shivers wracked his body, Wei Wuxian found himself desperately hoping it was true. Let Lan Zhan be his soulmate. No one else could be better.

…

…

Dreams of visiting a matcher with Lan Wangji and being told they were a perfect core match, of sharing lotus pods and loquats, of playing music by waterfalls, of starlit rendezvous on bridges, followed Wei Wuxian for a week of harmony in Lotus Pier.

He tried to talk to Jiang Yanli about it, but chickened out at the last moment. These feelings felt too new, too fragile. What if he explained them and his sister told him they had nothing to do with being soulmates? What if she told him it was just a boyhood crush? Worse, what if she supported his fantasies and called a matcher, got his hopes up, and then the _matcher_ crushed his dreams instead?

Then the Wen Clan invaded. Then Lotus Pier burned, its leaders' cores crushed and their bodies slashed. Then he and his siblings – but no, not his real siblings, he wasn't one of them – were on the run. Then Jiang Cheng was captured and his golden core destroyed.

That was the worst fate Jiang Cheng could have been dealt. It wasn't simply that he couldn't get revenge, though that was what he was focused on. It wasn't just that he could no longer reach immortality or cleanse the world of evil.

What if he met someone whose core would've matched his own, but they couldn't connect because his was gone? What if their souls couldn't recognize each other? What if he was alone forever?

His brother was inconsolable, disconsolate. He began to wither away, barely eating or drinking or moving at all. Without his golden core, he was nothing and no one. He was normal, and he couldn't handle that.

So Wei Wuxian gave him the only thing he could to fix it.

He gave Jiang Cheng his strength and his power and his vitality.

He gave Jiang Cheng every second he had cultivated toward immortality.

He gave Jiang Cheng his golden core.

And he gave up his dreams of a match with Lan Wangji.

…

…

Wen Chao threw him into the Burial Mounds and he should have died. He should have been torn to pieces by the negative energy of the mountain. Everyone thrown into that place had become nothing – their bodies and their cores shredded to dust and wind.

But it was exactly the fact that he had no core that saved him. The resentful spirits poured through him and took residence where his golden core should have been. They sustained him when hunger and thirst should have killed him. They fueled him with thoughts of revenge against the Wen when all he wanted to do was lie down and sleep.

The man that left the Burial Mounds three months later was different from the one that had entered it. Without a moment's hesitation, Wei Wuxian used those same resentful spirits to end the lives of hundreds of Wen soldiers – including Wen Chao and Wen Zhuliu, the Core Melting Hand.

When he met Lan Wangji again, his core did not call out for its match. In his absence, his brother and his soulmate had become closer, worked together in harmony to defeat enemies, understood each other better.

His heart ached with the loss.

…

…

After the Sunshot Campaign, the heads of all the clans called on matchers to come check on all the survivors. The battles had been fierce and hard on everyone. The matchers were meant to figure out who had been damaged deeper than the skin, so they could fix their cultivation if needed and cleanse themselves of negative energy.

Wei Wuxian tried to avoid it. "I've been using unorthodox methods. Of course they'll see negative energy in me. Lan Zhan's already playing music at me every chance he gets," he complained.

It didn't work. One worried look from Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian huffily agreed to an examination.

"But both you and Jiang Cheng have to stay out of the room," he insisted. "You've both been hovering since I came back. I promise I'm fine. Give me some space!"

Just like when he was a child, the matcher took one look at him and gasped, covering her eyes. Unlike when he was a child, this matcher was not in awe of him. She peeked out through her fingers and then her face screwed up like she might cry.

"Young Master," she trailed off.

Wei Wuxian nodded. He did his best to smile, but it was hard. The confirmation that he had nothing where his core should be had his heart aching anew. "I know. I'm fine."

She shook her head. "You should be dead," she whispered into the quiet of the room. For a moment, the old woman reached out toward where Wei Wuxian's core would be, but then she flinched away. Even that had Wei Wuxian's heart constricting.

"I'm not going to die," he assured the woman. "So please…Don't tell anyone. Hm?"

He didn't think he could handle his siblings flinching away from him the way the matcher had. Or Lan Wangji. What expression would Lan Wangji wear if he knew how Wei Wuxian was lacking? If any of them looked at him with pity, or cried, or shut him out—

No. No one could know. Not just for Jiang Cheng's sake. Keeping this secret was also selfish.

He couldn't be Lan Wangji's soulmate like this, but he could still keep his friendships. His family. He could still protect them, as long as he could remain by their side.

…

…

Of course he couldn't remain by their side.

His lack of core invited disaster. It was dissonant with the rest of the world. Those who tried to get close to him met with pain, hard times, and death.

As far as the world was concerned, that matcher was right. He should be dead.

…

…

Years later – after all the loss, and loss, and _loss_ drove him off the edge of a cliff – Wei Wuxian woke up.

The world had changed, but then again not. Everyone who knew him before his death still hated him, but the new Juniors seemed to like him well enough. Jiang Cheng was further away than ever.

After so many years, Wei Wuxian expected that his brother and Lan Wangji would have been as close as brothers themselves, if not lovers or husbands or cultivation partners. Instead he was shocked to see them arguing and distant with each other. Wei Wuxian didn't understand it.

Not to mention Lan Wangji didn't hate him, which was…surprising. After everything that happened, after Nightless City, Wei Wuxian was certain he had pushed everyone away, but every time he turned around, Lan Wangji was there. He provided for Wei Wuxian, supported him, and defended him.

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian said to a drunken Lan Wangji. "I appreciate how much you're doing for me these days, but…You know I can't be your soulmate anymore, right?"

Lan Wangji shook his head once, firmly, with his eyes still trained on the table. "Wrong."

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian sighed.

Lifting his eyes – only slightly unfocused – to meet Wei Wuxian's, Lan Wangji said, "Soulmate. Cores match. Should have told you before."

Tears gathered in Wei Wuxian's eyes. He quickly rubbed them away before they could fall. Placing his hands on top of where Lan Wangji's rested on the table, he said, "I wish it were true, Lan Zhan."

Lan Wangji grabbed hold of his hands in a surprisingly strong grip that had Wei Wuxian gasping. "Wei Ying's core is bright. Like mine."

For a moment, something like hope ignited in Wei Wuxian's chest. "Lan Zhan, can you see cores?" He hadn't felt as cold since being brought back. He didn't feel as hollow. Was it possible—

That tiny flame died when Lan Wangji shook his head.

Of course Lan Wangji wasn't a matcher. He was simply doing what Wei Wuxian used to do. He was imagining them as core matched soulmates, because how could they not be? The fact that Lan Wangji also believed they had been a match, that he too had fantasized about a life together that could no longer happen, hurt, but Wei Wuxian and this pain were old friends by now.

Wei Wuxian pulled one of his hands free from Lan Wangji's grip, though it earned him a pout, and cupped Lan Wangji's face.

"I hope you find someone to match you. Someone better than me, Lan Zhan." He cringed, remembering. "Just not Jiang Cheng. I don't care if his core does match yours. Even I can see that's an awful match."

…

…

After Jin Guangyao had been defeated and Lan Sizhui and Wen Ning had left on their own journey, Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian returned to Cloud Recesses.

They spent a few days just breathing. Lan Xichen had gone into seclusion and Lan Wangji would soon have to take over as Chief Cultivator. The world was going to change again, in big ways, but for those few days they were at peace.

Those few days told Wei Wuxian that he couldn't stay at Cloud Recesses. Not if he wasn't Lan Wangji's match. Lan Wangji made him happy. He made everything feel alright.

If Wei Wuxian's lack of a core would lead to pain for Lan Wangji—If their relationship was doomed to collapse in on itself—He couldn't stick around for that. He had hurt too many people already. He wouldn't do that to Lan Wangji too.

He wouldn't let his lack of a core drag Lan Wangji down—wouldn't let it kill him. Walking away was the least he could do for the man he loved.

One night, after dinner, Wei Wuxian sat at the door to the jingshi with a bottle of Emperor's Smile and watched the stars. Inside, Lan Wangji was reading a book of nature poetry. The wind blew through the trees and the animals of the night called to each other. It was peaceful, the way most days in Cloud Recesses were.

"I think I'll go travel for awhile," Wei Wuxian said to the sky. There was no sound or movement to indicate Lan Wangji had stopped reading, but he knew he had his full attention. Keeping his tone nonchalant, Wei Wuxian continued, "It's been over a decade. There's probably a lot to see."

For a long while, neither of them spoke. Wei Wuxian took another long drink from his bottle. With his swallow, his eyes lowered to a bush along the edge of the path in front of the jingshi. There were several buds growing among its leaves. One of them had bloomed, standing out starkly against the dark green.

What if Wei Wuxian plucked that flower? What if he took it with him, like a token of Lan Wangji and this house and this time?

"I want to call for the matcher," Lan Wangji said.

Wei Wuxian let out a quiet breath. "Let's not."

"You should get examined."

"Lan Zhan," Wei Wuxian chastised. He turned to give Lan Wangji an unimpressed frown. "I gave my core to Jiang Cheng. You know this. There's nothing to examine."

Lan Wangji frowned as well. He stood from the table in one fluid motion and came to stand beside Wei Wuxian. "My core does not match Sandu Shengshou. It does not recognize him." He held a hand in the air near where his core resided and the other hand out toward Wei Wuxian. "It recognizes Wei Ying."

The look in Lan Wangji's eyes was so intense, so sincere in this one belief, that Wei Wuxian's couldn't hold out. His defenses crumbled and he found himself nodding, taking Lan Wangji's outstretched hand.

"Alright, Lan Zhan. If that's what you want."

…

…

They met the Lan Clan's official matcher the following morning after breakfast. The man was older than any other Lan appeared to be but had the same controlled expression. They sat on pillows before him and bowed before Lan Wangji explained the reason for their visit.

"I see," the matcher hummed. He held out his hand to Lan Wangji. "I hardly need to, but if you would, please." Lan Wangji placed his hand in the old man's. Nodding, the man said, "As always, your core shines bright, Second Young Master. White blue like the robes of our clan, with streaks of red, signifying your good fortune, with a center of gold."

White blue with streaks of red. Wei Wuxian closed his eyes. They had been a match.

"Young Master Wei. If you would." Wei Wuxian presented his hand, felt the wrinkled, callous-free skin of the matcher's fingers. Instead of the flinch or startled cry Wei Wuxian had been expecting, the matcher let out a quiet but pleased, "Oh my."

"What?" Wei Wuxian whispered, leaning forward. The hand not held by the matcher curled into a fist on his leg.

The matcher frowned and Wei Wuxian's stomach clenched. "Your core is small, like a newborn's," he said. His lips pulled up at the corners, as if he couldn't help it. "But it is bright and white blue with red streaks, just like our Hanguang-Jun."

The room was spinning. "My core is _what_?" It escaped him like smoke from an incense burner.

"Small, but with effort and practice, it will grow and become stronger." The matcher took up Lan Wangji's hand again so that he was holding both of their hands at the same time. "In all my years, I have never seen two cores so in harmony. You can let Clan Leader Lan know that I support this union."

Without hesitation, Lan Wangji nodded and bowed, which Wei Wuxian hurried to emulate. When they were out of the room, Wei Wuxian stumbled and had to hold himself up with the wall.

"Wei Ying." Lan Wangji put his hands on Wei Wuxian's shoulders to steady him.

He had known, Wei Wuxian realized. It wasn't just the song that told him who Wei Wuxian was. His core had reached out for Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian was just too blind, to scared, to recognize the feeling after so long.

"I don't know how this happened," Wei Wuxian said with a shake of his head.

In five minutes, his entire world had shifted. All the agony and fear he had been holding inside was dissipating like fog in the sun, replaced with the warmth of _hope_ for the first time in almost twenty years.

Beaming, Wei Wuxian threw his arms around Lan Wangji's shoulders. "Lan Zhan!" And he laughed, all of his ecstatic energy bursting out of him, making his entire body shake.

Lan Wangji wrapped his arms around Wei Wuxian's waist in return, pressing his face into his hair. "Wei Ying."

"I'm so happy. We're going to be so happy. You're going to smile every day," Wei Wuxian babbled joyously.

"Mm. Every day."

Forget leaving Cloud Recesses. Forget travelling. Wei Wuxian would stick by Lan Wangji's side forever. He would cultivate his core again and they would live for years and years and years together. There would be diplomatic meetings as Hanguang-Jun and the Yiling Laozu. If they travelled, it would be together. Travelling cultivators. Settling down as farmers together.

Whatever the future would bring, Wei Wuxian now felt ready to face it with a smile on his face – a real one – and his core matched soulmate by his side.

…

…

_fin_.


End file.
